The dream ticket
Posted by Ritter on June 6, 2008
In a surprise announcement today, both McCain and Obama have chosen their running mates. And they are… each other. That’s right. The Democrat ticket will be Obama/McCain and the Republicans will field McCain/Obama. Hopey-dopey and loose change have jumped aboard the straight talk oblivion express. Welcome to the new dawn of bipartisanship. Let’s all get green and sing Kumbaya!
Both Senator Obama and I promise we will end Washington’s stagnant, unproductive partisanship.
I believe John McCain is a good man and a genuine American hero. And we honor his half-century of service to this nation.
Realizing that their simultaneous declarations render the existing political party system obsolete, the candidates have made it their top priority to address this crisis and pick a name for the new, unified party. During the late, unlamented time of dissension and discontent, I’ve often used the terms Republicrats and Demolicans. Others have suggested Demopublicans, Demonrats, Repubicans, and Replicrats. What’s needed now in this new age of glorious unification, though, is a single name for the single party forged from two indistinguishable yet formerly separate groups.
Perhaps the “Picayunification Party”? Well, no matter; because reliable sources inform me that, should the nomenclature decision remain unmade when the candidates assume office in January, they will appoint a blue ribbon, bipartisan commission with a bare-bones budget of between 450 and 750 billion dollars to study the issue and present a report with recommendations within the first 100 days. This report will include state-of-the-art graphics in several pleasing pastel colors; primary colors (and primaries, for that matter) no longer being favored (except for green) since, well, they are simply too divisive. And neither President Obamacain nor Vice President Obamacain will allow divisiveness.
As you astute readers might have guessed from the previous sentence, they have also decided to merge their names in a symbolic gesture to “face down individualism.” Even though we’ve already barely survived a co-presidency (Bill/Hill Clinton/Clinton), we should remain undaunted and “get our minds right” as our dear leaders carry the concept to a magnificent new mountaintop of oneness. Yes, we welcome a new era of melding with our President-elect and Vice President-elect, John-Bar Obamacain. We are the world.
Let the green nightmare begin.
