I can live forever!
Posted by Ritter on June 5, 2008
All I have to do is:
- Always bicycle or walk
- Never use an automobile
- Never fly in an airplane
- Domicile in an apartment…
- …with more than 4 other people
- Have relatively low energy bills…
- … for electricity generated by hydro or “green scheme” (whatever that is)
- Always recycle and compost waste
- Never eat meat
- Spend less than $10,000 per year…
- …and spend it entirely on so-called “ethical investments” to the exclusion of “planet-slaying” things like:
- eating
- drinking
- clothing
- transportation
- rent
- going out
By making this simple transition to a sub-third world subsistence existence, I will be permitted by Professor Schpinkee to live forever. I am somewhat unclear on how this will work, since eliminating eating and drinking would seem to have at least a bit of a deleterious effect on my longevity. But, no matter, this “green” lifestyle will suck about 15 tons of CO2 out of the atmosphere and that’s really all that counts for anything, isn’t it?
Have the greenaloons at the Australian Broadcasting Corporation finally jumped the shark? Or has the indoctrination of children become pervasive enough to prove the validity of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin’s statement, “Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted.”
