Welcome To The Obama Rama Festival

© 2008 by Society To Oppress Political Ignorance in Total (STOPIT). All rights reserved. That said here is what you have permission to do with this piece. It can be freely emailed to friends, politicians, and so on. It can be stored in electronic format. It can be tattooed on the body part of your choice. All of this is permissible so long as this copyright notice accompanies it. It may not be broken up into smaller chunks and may not be published in any magazine for profit or non-profit.

This piece is not racist so if you think it is, get a life. This is satire, written by a white male, the single most oppressed human in America since around the mid-1970s.

You make up your own reaction to the words you read and I can’t control that process, for you, so get this–it’s all in your head. If American Caucasians can put up with the racist humor of Chris Rock, and that of George Lopez, then white ass, honkey satirists should also have open season on Blacks and Hispanics. Also notice the order of the words, American Caucasians. How about we deal with the reality of where we are? For example instead of African American make it American African, or instead of Mexican American how about American Mexican. Let’s get the language consistent with the geography of our location, opportunity and freedoms.

So, buckle up and get in for the ride…

What changes can we expect to see if Obama is elected President?

• For the first time in American History, the Inaugural Ball will be held at The House of Blues. The opening band will be The Rainbow Coalition with blues guitarist Jesse Jackson. He knows a lot of riffs and plays none well. The headliner is to be none other than Albert King. Yes, he has been dead for a few years yet, by Executive Order, they’re resurrecting him for this one event. He doesn’t look as good as before and some of his fingers may fall off during his appearance, yet the show must go on.

• The musical piece Hail to The Chief has no words therewith associated. Should Obama become President, expect rappers like Eminem to put it to a rap beat and hallucinate some cop killing lyrics to accompany this traditional brass band tune.

• The Name Game, made famous by Shirley Ellis, will be revived perhaps like this:

Obama Bama bo Bama
Banana Fana fo Fama
Fee Fie mo Mama
Obama!

• The White House Chef will be replaced by none other than Al Sharpton, who will continue to stew his juice of imaginary racism while preparing hush puppies and ribs.

• The President, his advisers, and cabinet members will all gather nightly on the White House porch for an hour or so to sing old religious songs indigenous to the Southern States. No, Obama is not from the South; He is, as former Vice President Dan Quayle once said from, “the great State of Chicago.” Yes, he said that—look it up.

• The words, Bro’, MoFo, Ho, Dude, Wasup, and so forth will integrate into common usage and eventually Websters will place them in the next revision of the dictionary.

• There will be new sex scandal rumors. These are starting already in that bastion of American journalism, The Enquirer. Should these have an inter-racial twist and involve a midget they’ll be so juicy and enthralling we won’t be able to stop listening to sound bites, and reading (at least the thirty or so words Americans understand) in rags like US, People, The Enquirer, and perhaps (hopefully) even Mad Magazine.

• Leaders of other nations of the world will need to learn new and interesting ways to shake hands.

• Oakland, California will abandon (if it didn’t years back) the idea that Ebonics (mostly American African [Black] slang) be recognized as an official language and jump onto a bandwagon to make talkin’ jive the official language of the San Francisco area called the East Bay.

• Dramatic new options will show up on voice recognition systems so when calling a government office you may hear; “Please listen up dude as our menu items hay been messed wiff. Press 1 for English, press 2 for Espan-y’all, or press 3 for Jive.”

• Congress will pass a law that Chitlins and Hog Maws (pig intestines and stomach) be a mandatory item on every menu of every restaurant across this great land, without regard for the restaurant’s ethnicity thus providing Americans with the opportunity to feast on many a new dish. Italian restaurants will feature Chitlins and Hog Maws Parmesan. Thai restaurants will offer Chitlins and Hog Maws in Green Curry Sauce. Chinese restaurants will feature General Tsu’s Chitlins and Hog Maw Szechuan (it will work, they eat chicken feet now). California Cuisine and the Nouvelle feeding troughs will feature Chitlins and Hog Maws On a Bed of Radiccio and Pine Nuts Garnished With Edible Flowers and Cactus Needles. Violation of this law will be a Federal Felony punishable by a $500,000 fine and 300 years in jail.

Ah, the possibilities are endless. Should Obama be elected, America will surely see many changes in attitude (especially from American Africans and the Red Neck middle of this country), policy and a continuation of the nonstop movement of America toward Socialism couched in the word Democracy.